Knocking incessantly on the front door of this year
Wondering if the woman I was the last December is here
Some years begin with a car full of baggage, loaded all the way down
Tracking nearly zero miles to the gallon as you drive in circles around town
Sometimes it takes all twelve months just to unload the bags, donating the unwanted to Goodwill
Sending old bad habits to the donation pile while adding new resolutions to the bill
Yet other years swing by as they pass out answers like candy on Halloween
Resolving lingering questions of ages prior, providing glasses for what you couldn't see
And just when you think you've got it all figured out -
Father time places another four seasons under the tree that leave you with more questions and more doubt
It seems I’ve been knocking on this door for hours with no response in sight
So I sit to reflect on another year, sharing my story with only the silent creatures of this night -
As most years begin, winds blew and rain fell so I flew in search of the snow
Added laughs to my favorite playlist, a permanent soundtrack even when reunions come and go
Shared not a drop, not even a sliver as the sun slid down so early on those dark afternoons
Longing night after night for the heat and hopes that often accompany an evening in June
Another dragon year they say, but I could have sworn this one breathed fire from my very own soul
Let's see if flowers without water can last until the half fills itself whole
Put distance on every shoe, run right into a new Eden -
Watch the tides as they turn, then feel the turn of a new season
Even the moon becomes less selfish, giving us back the light of dusk
I don’t even need another drink, on your laughter, I’m already drunk
Mark myself with some emblem, the only sure thing I know
Lie in the grass, talk to the sky, and find solace among the crows
Take a book, share a word - but make sure it's a fair trade
Match mile for mile until the outside noise begins to fade
Learn the things I've outgrown, make space for what they've become -
Friends of years evolve just as I have, we’re no longer the same girls of where we're from
Enjoy what comes easy and cherish inside jokes shared
But if you go to battle in the Coliseum, you'd better show up armored and prepared
Lie on more sands than I could have counted, dance until the early morning hours -
The series of days I prayed for months ago, brought in from January showers
Turn the page and breathe in new perspective,
The kind that forces thoughts into a jumbled, senseless mess of introspection
Sit and have coffee with the woman I've become, yes I'll take cream and sugar on the side
Dream of Heaven while I try and find God on every street corner of life
Carry me to my bed please, I can't explain why I was so tired -
I'll revive and come back to life if you just lay me at the feet of the statue I so admire
Bring me food even when I have no appetite
Then close the door on your way out so I can let my mind write, write, and then write
I decide over clouds that I'm not a hero, for you not even the fountain of youth can be stolen
Moments like these scream until you hear them, and until you do, they stand frozen
Cool air returns and I stare in awe as my favorite hues emerge
Take my body down the to the ocean, into its’ cold I submerge
Dunk my head underwater, rinse myself of what I thought I knew
Come up for air to see the years stretched before me look quite beautiful from this view
Still rapping on this front door, peeking through the windows to see if anyone is home
But someone else sleeps in my old bedroom I used to share, that carpet now theirs to roam
Shaking in the cold, I button up my coat against the winter breeze -
Then go for a stroll through the old orchard lined with pecan trees
Reflecting more now than I normally do and that's saying quite a lot
If there was a point in time when I knew something about anything, I am sure that now I do not
Yet uncertainty is on the same flight as ease,
There is such little excitement in life's guarantees
I'm pursuing a new degree, getting my P.H.D. at the University of the Unknown
Get settled in before the movie begins, the quilt of a new year is just about to be sewn